Cancer patients get plenty of advice from well-meaning family and friends on how to manage their condition. While support from loved ones is important, they may not always offer the best advice for someone recently diagnosed with cancer.
But someone who’s been there — a cancer survivor who has experienced the challenges that diagnosis and treatment present — may be in the optimal position to offer the most helpful recommendations to navigate the “new normal” of living with cancer.
To uncover key advice for someone who’s been diagnosed with cancer and is undergoing treatment, we turned to the City of Hope online community group Cancer Fighters — which unites people who are fighting the disease — and asked cancer patients: What is the most important lesson or advice you would offer someone facing a new cancer diagnosis?
This article shares several of their key takeaways, offering friends and family helpful guidelines for how to talk to newly diagnosed loved ones:
- Don’t tough it out alone, tell loved ones how to help you
- Research your options and consider getting a second opinion
- Stay positive and surround yourself with positive people
- Boost your health through diet and activity
- Live your life one day at a time
If you or a loved one is concerned about possible signs or symptoms of cancer and would like an initial consultation or a second opinion, call us 24/7 at 877-460-4673.
Don’t Tough it Out Alone, Tell Loved Ones How to Help
After a cancer diagnosis, it’s common for some people to feel isolated or even withdraw from family or friends out of fear and anxiety. But seeking support from loved ones, doctors and other professionals who specialize in physical and mental health may be critical to adjusting to the “new normal” of navigating life during and after cancer treatment, several Cancer Fighters members said.
“Talk to someone, and don’t try to keep this to yourself,” said one member. “It’s too heavy to carry alone.”
Another member agreed, saying it’s especially important for cancer survivors to connect with loved ones and/or professionals who can help.
“Don't try and keep it in your head alone,” she said. “My psychiatrist has helped, but it took me at least three months before I could even say it out loud. I was scared, and still am, but I do need support from others.”
“Talk about your feelings,” said a third Cancer Fighters member. “Find your people.”
Research Your Options and Consider Getting a Second Opinion
In the days after a diagnosis, it’s a good idea to learn more about the type of cancer you have, as well as your treatment options, and consider seeking more than one doctor’s recommendations, Cancer Fighters members emphasized.
“I would say do your own research and don't be afraid to get a second opinion,” said one member. “When I was first diagnosed with endometrial cancer, the first oncologist I saw only wanted to do a complete hysterectomy. She had no interest in my life, my goals, me as a person or any other type of treatment. I did research and learned about all the risks of early menopause that would come with the hysterectomy and found out there are other options. I got a second opinion and am so thankful I did.”
Another Cancer Fighters member noted cancer treatment is not a one-size-fits-all proposition, so it’s important for every patient to find a doctor — and therapy — that is most appropriate.
“Everyone is unique and what works for some doesn’t work for another,” she said. “I had to own my journey. I needed to stand up for myself and trust my instincts when it came to my medical care, my family’s advice, etc. So, listen to that inner voice and trust your instincts.”
Another added that if the first treatment isn’t successful, try something else.
“My advice: Please don’t get discouraged if your first treatment doesn’t work,” she said. “Sometimes it takes switching it a couple of times before your oncologist finds the treatment that fits your needs. I remember getting anxious when the first chemo didn't work. Just roll with it because there are so many others out there.”
Stay Positive and Surround Yourself With Positive People
Cancer isn’t just a physical condition; diagnosis and treatment have psychological impacts as well. That’s why it’s important to figure out how to cope mentally with cancer and try to stay as positive as possible, several Cancer Fighters members said.
Some research also suggests a positive outlook may boost the body’s immune system by lowering levels of stress hormones like cortisol and improving the quality of restorative sleep — possibly helping to fight cancer and combat side effects of treatment.
In addition to taking steps to stay positive — through mindfulness practices such as mediation or yoga, spiritual activities or indulging in a hobby — it’s also critical to spend time with friends and family members who are upbeat and able to patiently help you process the range of emotions you may be experiencing, Cancer Fighters members said.
“Though I understood my diagnosis, mentally I remained in a state of shock for months while I felt everyone else was rushing me to accept it,” said one member. “Physically, I did what was necessary, but mentally, I needed to deal with it in my own time in my own way.”
Added another: “Stay positive. Surround yourself with positive people, stay as active as you can and realize that sometimes things can be really dark. You will find you have more inner strength than you realize.”
A third member said: “For me what helped was accepting what I had was curable, keeping a positive attitude and finding the right group of doctors and staff to help me through my journey. But the biggest help came from my loved ones’ support and love and my faith.”
Boost Your Health Through Diet and Activity
It may be hard for some patients to continue engaging in healthy activities that were part of their lives before a cancer diagnosis — eating a healthy diet, getting enough exercise and indulging in hobbies and personal interests (such as journaling or playing a musical instrument). But Cancer Fighters said incorporating those activities into your new life as a cancer survivor are important to your well-being and may even give your immune system a boost.
“Eat well — organic if you can,” said one member. “ Move, but get enough calm rest. And find a joyful purpose in life.”
Said another: “Find a new hobby or get back to one you used to enjoy and engage in it. You'd be surprised at how you missed it.”
For a third member, writing about her cancer experiences helped her cope. She even joined CaringBridge.org, an online support community where she could share here journal entries and connect with other cancer survivors.
“I got onto CaringBridge.org and invited people to join if they wanted to keep up, and basically blogged about my experiences — the good, the bad and the ugly,” she said. “Writing about it worked for me.”
Live Your Life One Day at a Time
It may seem paradoxical, but living with cancer means taking things one day at a time while also approaching life as a journey with many more years ahead of you. Something to keep in mind: the American Cancer Society’s latest annual report on cancer facts and trends shows 70% of Americans diagnosed with cancer in the United States now live five years or more after diagnosis.
One Cancer Fighters member noted life after a cancer diagnosis may be challenging, but taking a one-day-at-a-time approach has been liberating for her.
“Take it one day at a time and if you can't do that, take it minute by minute,” she advised. “It can and will be overwhelming at times and you have to keep a little thought in the back of your mind — that this will pass, you can keep going.”
For another Cancer Fighter, looking ahead to the future has been the best way to keep perspective.
Her take-home message? “Live life like you're going to live forever,” she said. “Cancer doesn't dictate when a person dies. Be positive, follow your doctors’ advice — but most of all, be positive and don't be afraid to plan the future.”
A third Cancer Fighter said she lives by the quote from the book, “Letters to My Daughter,” by Maya Angelou: “You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Try to be a rainbow in someone else’s cloud. Do not complain. Make every effort to change things you do not like. If you cannot make a change, change the way you have been thinking. You might find a new solution.”
If you or a loved one is concerned about possible signs or symptoms of cancer and would like an initial consultation or a second opinion, call us 24/7 at 877-460-4673.